I’m excellent at running. However, I don’t mean the kind of running where I lace up my Nikes and get lost while sprinting the backroads of the wine country.

I mean that I am excellent at running away from things that make me uncomfortable or scared. Grand opportunities, waiting to be taken advantage of, are lost because I run away from them out of fear. I am excellent at running away from things or people that I love. I am excellent at navigating my emotions away from wherever I should be driving them to. We all do this and sometimes we don’t realize it. We run away from the people that are there to care for us the most in fear of disappointing them, in fear of being vulnerable.

Last night I spent most of my evening cleaning out my room. I needed to do something to keep my hands busy, mind occupied, and something to calm the restlessness I had felt the whole week.

I ended up cleaning out old clothes from my over-crowed closet and reorganizing my filled-to-the-brim dresser. It felt so refreshing to get rid of old things that I never wear or use.

I felt as if I was sopping wet, standing in a stagnant pool of rainwater. The goodness and refreshment of the once pure drops has been poured over me. I once felt the energizing vibes of the rain but after a while it fell to my feet, where it soaked my shoes making it hard to walk (and let’s not forget the squeaky sound of wet shoes). But once the sun shone again in the late hours of the almost over day—or as Mumford and Sons says, “After the Storm”— I no longer felt the weight of that water. I was invigorated again. Instead of staying in the stagnant pool I ran away.

I ran away from the pool of decay. Making a few ripples and perhaps a splash in the cumulation of transformation. For the first time I ran away from something that I needed to run away from. I needed to rid myself of the old Uptown Maven and embrace the new me—not that U.M is changing but, I (the writer) am. There are times where we run away from the things we need, and other times we gain the courage and bravery to run away from the things that are holding us back.

Readers, as I’ve mentioned before, I have type 1 diabetes. It has been a part of my life for the past year and five months, and it will now forever be a part of me. This week was incredibly tough for my blood sugar. Somehow it just wouldn’t be stable. I would take insulin but my blood sugar wouldn’t come down. I would eat and take minimal insulin and then go low twenty minutes later. It was so frustrating. Even though I haven’t told you the whole story regarding my health, I can assure you its more complicated then just having unstable sugar.

But this week, I felt so decayed. It’s funny because I never imagined that this week’s post on Uptown Maven would involve me sharing my story—of prying back the layers of my heart—to reveal how I’ve been shaped into the person I am today. But I’d rather not unpack that suitcase right now. However, this week I did step out of that stagnant pool of rain water. I ridded myself of the whole idea “diabetes sucks”—even though it really does. I no longer want to live in that mindset or have that thought in the back of my head. Diabetes, yes, describes who I am and what makes up my traits but it doesn’t define who I am.

This week I ran away. I ran away from the fear of my disease defining me. I will never allow it to do that. Stepping out of the rainwater, I cleaned out the closet of my heart. I accepted the very small things—the details I’d been suppressing and smothering, too afraid to acknowledge— that’s when they seemed to erupt on the surface and beg to be noticed and brought before my own eyes. I ran away from the uneasiness—squashing my insecurities and fear of vulnerability.

So it’s here where I stand at my bedroom window wide open, watching the rain hit my backyard patio and the breeze of the storm passing. I am no longer standing outside in the stagnant pool of rainwater. I accepted the inevitable. It’s here where I stand with myself, learning through the rollercoaster of life, awaiting the moon and the conspicuously hidden constellations of the night.

By a long way of introduction: it’s here I stand in my sweatpants. They are the comfort food of clothes I can assure you. Readers, this week on Uptown Maven sweatpants are being featured. Usually, I wouldn’t pick something so casual but let’s be honest, we all wear them. We are all nostalgic for the hour of taking off those jeans and putting on your favorite pair of sweats.

My favorite look? Calvin Klein sweats. Whether it’s the different shades of black or grey, I adore the Calvin Klein look. Find yourself some cozy sweatpants, fuzzy socks, and comfy sweatshirt—or if you literally want to go for a run I included a look with some Nikes. Here’s some of my own favorite layouts:

So readers, whether it be running away from something you shouldn’t or running away from something you should, I hope you discover the details and intricacies of your heart. This week, that’s what I uncovered as I went from stagnant, decaying mindfulness to running and venturing into the closet of my heart to find value while feeling the strands of my DNA as it all resonates with meaning. And lastly, remember you can do all of this, just in the comfort of your sweatpants.

See you next week, your conspicuous, newly germinated, Uptown Maven